Wednesday, June 5, 2013

I received fantastic news - I got my first choice in mentor! I love her. She is so cool and accomplished. I have a total girl crush on her. And I will be at the elementary school I wanted, teaching K-5 special ed, which is exactly what I wanted. I am so unbelievably relieved and excited! 

Classes start in 5 days. I ordered books. It's overwhelming to me, this thing. Not the idea of classwork, but how much it's all changed since I've been in school. I sound like such an old person but it's true. Back in my day, nothing was really done on computers. Now everything is, all communications from the school, including signing promissory notes for financial aid, getting parking passes, etc. It's so odd and although I feel like I am somewhat computer literate, I am out of my depth. It seems like it will all change so quickly.

And I'm still working! Not much but enough and of course I have clients coming out of the woodwork.  We need the money but holy hell I'm not in the mood. I don't care about them. There, I've said it. I don't care about them anymore.

And my mom came to visit. We hadn't seen her since September. She and my stepdad came and guess how long they stayed? 3.5 days. I'm really hurt. It's one thing to do several short visits during the year, but 3.5 days after 9 months is ... hurtful. My boys were just getting to know her again. And the reason why? My stepdad. She caves in to him. He's the reason they stayed away for so long - well, his hip is the reason - and it feels like she is putting him first, above us. And above even herself. Example: she said one thing she really wanted to do was to swim with Liam, who is fearless and loves jumping into the pool repeatedly. Before they came, I told her to pack swimsuits, and she did. Then when she arrived, we discussed going swimming. Then the next day, she said my stepdad may just watch, but SHE will go swimming. Then the second to last day - the day we had planned for swimming - she said they weren't going to go swimming but it wasn't her that didn't want to go. What the fuck? I know my stepdad is 77, and maybe kids aren't his thing - judging by his relationship to his own sons - but it's just not right. My mom is turning 75 this year and she won't be around forever, and Liam will never be 2 again. And she's missing it. My dad would have given anything to be here with my boys, but he died when I was 18. And she is here, in good health, and missing it. 

I don't understand that choice.

Which leads me to be even more annoyed than usual with my mother in law who is the most overbearing, competitive, insecure, cloying, boundary-less woman I've ever known. We see her twice a week for the last 9 months and I She took the boys today, and HER boyfriend is also an ass - grumpy old men is a stereotype for a reason. I am enforcing a new policy. I'm done rearranging my schedule so she can see them. I'm limiting it to every other weekend, and Wednesdays. That should be more than enough. And Wednesdays, I'm not letting Brody miss karate anymore because of her visits. I am so done. This probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but I just need to get it out. 

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