I don't know what I'm doing

I'm so bored in my current job.

Yet, I'm terrified of moving forward because of finances.

Is this my job?

Also, a revelation. About working out. I weigh more than I should. Like, a lot more. Yet I don't work out. I grew up an athlete. And now I'm a bump on a log. I'm lethargic in a sedentary job.

Yet one of my fears is dying while my children are young.

I'm willing to die for my children. Why aren't I willing to work out for them?

My first title: I got financial aid!

I got the letter from the University. I received financial aid. I looked at the email right before I was supposed to do a call and started that silent, vibrating, joyful crying that I do when I'm so happy and relieved.

That reaction is proof of how much I want this.

I got tuition and $5,000 more, just for the summer term. I'm elated. I'm so thankful to the universe. I'm grateful to everything and everyone. Several times this weekend I thought, in 3 months, I don't have to be a lawyer anymore.

I'll be a student.

HA! A student. Me. I haven't been a student in this century. I haven't been a student since 1997.